How i wish you two will at least understand how i feel.

How hard it is to smile even though there's so much which happened in MY life.

How i wish one day i see you dropping by my blog & reading my thoughts.

How i wish you'll stop telling me about studies.

I'm trying my best.

I just hope.. HOME is a place for me t recharge & relax.

Sometimes , i wished i can be like him.

I remember , there's one birthday of mine.

I wished to be him in one of my three wishes.

I wanted a tortise from long ago.

Th time tht you set them free ,

You didn't even know i teared.

I don't bear to , but i know my words just can't change your decisions.

Maybe his can.

At tht age of 7 ?

I already know , every word of mine can't just possibly change any part of you.

So many times tht i've begged you to keep them.

You've never believed in me tht i can make tht difference in myself.

Since primary school ,

i've always wanted to leave house.

You two never did bother to understand how i'm feeling everytime tht i fall sick & hear th conversations of you & her.

Wanna know why i've never voiced it out?

Cause i know , all tht i do , to you guys , no matter how much efforts i've put in , ITS NEVER UP TO EVEN 1/4 OF HIS STANDARD.

How i wish i'm as smart as him so that i can at least let you notice that i have feelings too.

How i wish i'm like him so that i can make you two believe that i change toos.

To think back.

Those tortise ain't even mine.

Yet you pushed th blame on me for not taking care of it.

ATLEAST , i fed them at times when they're not even mine.

I'm tired.

I don't wanna stay home.

I don't wanna face that stupid face of yours.

I don't wanna have my birthday.

When you don't even give a damn.

You call yourself MY parents?

When you don't even give a damn to understand me?

When you don't even give a damn to knw how i'm feeling inside?

When you don't even give a damn to at least know tht i'm stressed up?

DAD & MUM , will you just bother to at least give me some care & concern?

HOME , its just another place tht i've ought to stand strong & bring laughters.

I'm not a clown ,

I'm a human.

I HAVE FEELINGS TOO.

I need a place to recharge & relax.

Till now , i've seen no place.

I have a good family?

Nice Joke.

You guys never knew how much tears i've shed for this cold place.

& Church ,

I used to think i can find my existence within you guys.

Friends that you guys can never find?

Sorry , You're not even up to standard to people on streets.

At least , strangers , you talk to them , they'll reply you.

In church , i felt like i'm air.

I don't felt loved ,

I don't felt treasured.

You guys only remembered me when you guys needed help from me or money.

I doubt i will ever go back.

I'm so sick & tired of you guys.

Within you , i realise , only ShuPing bothers about me.

& Jogina , once my shepherd ,

DOESN'T EVEN BOTHER TO SAY HI TO ME WHENEVER YOU SEE ME.

LOL. What a nice churchmates right?

Cheers mans :D

Satan , i know you're trying to mess my life up or whatsoever.

Torture me all you want.

I'm up to th torture.

Cause i know , torture me more & i'll kill myself one day [:

I'm starting to hate life once again.

But yet , i know i've ought to stand strong.

Friends need me around them.

But to think ,

I realise , nobody truely understands me.